In the spring of 2017, I received an acceptance letter from NC State. I was incredibly relieved that I had gotten in, exhausted from the four years of work that had accumulated into that moment and elated about the future. But, there was a catch: My acceptance was for the spring of 2018. I had the chance to do whatever I wanted for one semester before school truly started and some semblance of adult life and independence began.
Even though I was only 18 at the time, I was determined to experience walking through the threshold of college with an aura of normality. So I went to the four-year university in the city I lived in, taking a full slate of classes. When the time came for me to leave and move to Raleigh, I was ready.
The real question was if NC State was ready to support me.
I was in the first group of students to receive a spring admission acceptance. We were guinea pigs at the University, unknowing and naive. We were nervous, wanting to live up to the expectations that preceded us and trying to thwart the bitterness of imposter syndrome.
During that semester, I couldn’t balance the classes I was taking and developed severe anxiety. I was reassured that many spring admission students had felt enormously challenged and NC State hadn’t known how to best serve us in a time when they were trying to create some sense of control. That semester went on to shape how I viewed the University. There were times I felt angry or bitter that I didn’t have a more optimistic start to my time here because I genuinely believed that it would’ve changed my trajectory.
Did I hate NC State? No. There have been countless moments when I’ve left certain classes inspired and in awe of my fellow peers. They are intelligent, extraordinarily thoughtful and encouraging. I would sit in class listening to fascinating lectures, needing to tell someone about them. I have built supportive friendships, and even in the simple moments of walking to class through the Court of North Carolina during an autumn day, I’ve felt the serenity in knowing that I was in a perfect place, exactly where I needed to be.
This is all to say that I learned that I could absolutely love NC State for the community and the culture it harbors, yet still be critical of the administration itself. In a time when I felt that I needed support, it wasn’t there. Maybe this feels familiar to you right now. Maybe, like me, you’ve come to realize that in this era of COVID-19, you won’t have a senior year. Maybe you’re a freshman who had high expectations and have already said your goodbyes to your roommate after being ordered home. Maybe you’re anywhere in between, where you’ve found that it is incredibly difficult to take five classes online full time for the entirety of the semester. To take classes, do homework, study and attend extracurricular meetings in the small space of your room is no easy feat.
You are allowed to feel sad, angry, confused and resentful at the administration here at NC State. We don’t expect them to be perfect, but just as this university holds its students to a high standard, we should reciprocate in the same manner. I expect them to be better. You are also allowed to be grateful, inspired and hopeful. You will inevitably miss your friends, peers, professors and the unseen opportunities that were just over the horizon. These feelings are valid.
At the end of the day, what makes NC State extraordinary is the community we have here. It’s leaving an English class after reading poetry by Langston Hughes or building a robot in an engineering class. It’s meeting up with a classmate to get coffee at Port City Java or pulling an all-nighter at D.H. Hill Jr. Library with your best friend. It’s the human connection, the learning, the endless vibrancy and opportunity. I will always love that.
This was my reason to stay. I hope you find yours too.
