This column is dedicated to highlighting those times where professors show us they are real people. This being the inaugural issue, I have submitted two of my own. If you have similar stories, send them to viewpoint@technicianonline.com and we will publish the best stories we get.

One day my English professor announced that we were beginning a unit on poetry. The class collectively groaned. In response, he said, “Poetry is important. Poetry has a real tangible function: it will get you laid. I look around and well, guys, y’all are going to need all the help you can get. Ladies, you should learn it too so you can avoid these guys if they try to use it.”

~Josh

I was sitting in one of my classes listening to the professor go over a new concept, when a student raised his hand to ask a question. The student wanted the professor to re-explain how he got from Point A to Point B in the problem. The professor agreed and then calmly wrote out the words “high school” underneath Point A. He then informed the student that if he did not understand such a simple concept, he needed to go back to high school. The entire class went silent, and I don’t remember seeing that kid ask a question ever again

~Jim

I’m taking a class called social deviance. On the first day, instead of asking for the standard-lame introductions, our professor said, “I’m pretty sure every one of you has been deviant. Let’s go around, and each of you introduce yourself and tell us a story of your deviance. ” The discussion culminated with one guy opening up about a time where he peed off the balcony of a third story building onto someone by accident. No group introduction will ever beat that one.

~Sam

So, it’s the last day of new material before our test. The professor comes in and says, “Okay class, I was reading your book and was going to try to explain [that day’s subject] like they did, but at the last minute I decided not to. So bear with me, I’m winging it.” A complete look of terror took over the room. Worst lecture ever.

~Troy

There exists a notoriously difficult nuclear professor. Tests for this class are four hours long; mental abuse most purely refined. Before one of these tests, the professor noticed a green New Testament that had been left in the room. Without skipping a beat, he said, “Uh oh, I better not move that, rumor is if I touch it I’ll go up in flames.” Self-actualization at its finest.

~Levon

After a test where the class did particularly poorly, our professor announced he did not offer extra credit. He gave us an example of one failed attempt by a student to get extra credit: “A student came into my office one time, closed the door behind her and told me she’d do anything for a B. I quickly kicked her out of my office. In retrospect, I have to wonder what kind of product she was pushing to only ask for an B.”

~Josh