Halloween is the climax of lowered inhibitions. As college students, we’re already a subset with extremely low inhibitions, but even for us, the experience of Halloween can be a bit jarring. It’s a good idea for newbies and seasoned Halloween vets to get a good workout in to prepare for the shenanigans that will ensue.

With Halloween the rules change. What would once get you kicked out of a party now ushers you in. This workout aims to get you in the Halloween mindset; heed these words, as the next time you get the opportunity to approach this biblical level of debauchery is Saint Patrick’s Day or Christmas, depending on your family.

As strange as it sounds, the first thing I do to prepare for Halloween is shut my mouth. Nobody likes a mouth-breather. As the winter months solider on, colds and generalized laziness will cause many to forego their nose and breathe exclusively through their mouth—this is a poor decision. It’s better to not breath at all than look like a large-mouth bass. It’s a policy that will yield benefits all winter.

With my mouth shut I begin to think about how I am going to present myself on Halloween. This primarily involves planning a costume. There is a trinity of directions to go in on Halloween for a college student: pop-culture inspired, slutty and offensive. Clever and cute costumes are options but are reserved for parents, children and poly sci and design students.

Don’t worry if you don’t have a costume yet. Planning an awesome costume is like writing term papers or group projects: genius is fostered by the unprepared. Your costume should be an idea casserole. While going as Steve Jobs or Mummar Gaddafi sound like great ideas, they’re offensive and topical; however, mock turtleneck and bed sheets offer little sex appeal. Before you put your costume together think about whether or not it hits all points of the trinity.

With your costume set, you’re ready to prepare yourself for the night(s) of Halloween. Don’t worry about preparing your liver; the opening months of college tend to sufficiently work people out in this area.

Just as a mountain climber acclimatizes before mounting Everest, you too must prepare for your new environment. Halloween gets weird. You’ll likely find yourself in a foreign place the morning after and this can be startling. To avoid going into shock upon waking up, practice going to sleep in random places. The middle of the fair grounds, strange houses and police stations are good places to catch some Z’s, as these are probable wake-up spots.

Another life calibration you will want to make is to your social “game.” When astronauts go into orbit, the sense of gravity they had on Earth goes out the window. They are able to do summersaults and fly through the air in ways they never imagined. The same holds true from social interactions on Halloween—the constraints are less. What would once earn you a punch in the face or embarrassment magically works. Start getting accustomed to telling people you’re a mammography specialist now, take the punches and the drinks in the face, it’ll help you better operate on Halloween.

Halloween is a sport and should be treated as such. If you don’t do your prep work you’ll fail and most likely pull something. These simple rules and workouts I’ve provided, if practiced, will put you in peak form for your Halloween adventures.

Have fun, be safe and most of all, stay away from Franklin Street; nobody likes a deserter.