Picture this: You are baking cookies with your sister and her boyfriend. That’s innocent enough. You think that you are clear from any funny business and are just baking cookies. Wrong. Your sister and her boyfriend proceed to have a cookie dough fight, slapping chunks of perfectly good dough on each other’s faces. What do you do? You can’t join in because that’s just weird. You can’t leave because you would be leaving cookie-less, which would be bogus. All you can do is sit and watch.
Welcome to the life of a third wheel.
I get it. It’s hard when two of your friends decide to make things tricky and start to get involved. Where does that leave you? You just lost two of the (maybe) four people that you actually like to spend time with. But I am here to tell you that even through the changes in the group dynamic, you don’t have to give your friends up. Work through the awkwardness and fill the role that desperately needs to be filled. Be that third wheel.
I’m not sure why people avoid being it at all costs. “Three’s a crowd,” or whatever. Wrong. Three is a hoot. Three is a party. Being a third wheel means that you get two for the price of one. If you only hung out with couples, you would consistently be doubling your number of friends. Sure you’re single, but at least you’re popular. That’s worth something.
Along with the heaping of fun the relationship is bringing you, they will also buy you food. Being the personal third wheel to a couple means that you’re always around, right? That means that you are around even when they are going out to eat. And, being the polite couple that they are, your friends will pity you too much to let you pay for your own meal. I can personally vouch for the fact that I have been bought pizza, tacos and Cook-Out on many occasions because I am such a skilled third-wheeler.
Even though all that food is gold to a college student, I am not nearly the most tactical third-wheeler. Some wizard-like third wheels have used their powers to actually gain quite a following on social media. Trip Od of “imnotathirdwheel” on Instagram has perfectly documented his pivotal role in his brother’s relationship. Like most third wheels, Trip is never far behind the couple, even when the couple is on romantic dates or, I don’t know, getting married. Trip is really an inspiration to all of us novice third-wheelers.
I realize that hanging around a couple all the time can sometimes feel like you are outstaying your welcome. That is an understandable worry. Your friends are dating each other for a reason. I hate to break it to you, but they like each other better than you. So, learn the cues of when it is time for you to leave, and take it to heart.
But let’s be honest, the couple really needs you. Who would Monica and Chandler be without their Joey? Third wheels really do their couples a favor.
In the end, a tiny amount of PDA won’t kill the third wheel. Sure, I’ll make gag noises, but that should be expected. Just remember: They buy you food, and you put up with their gushiness. It’s a win for both parties.
Shout out to my designated best-friend-couple for including me on their Eno trips and dinner dates. I’ve really been mooching off of you for months now.