Hallelujah, readers. I love the United States of America. I mean, if Uncle Sam were real, well … it would change absolutely nothing because being with another man is unconstitutional, no matter how patriotic he is. But it’s because I love this country so much that it pains me to tell you it’s all going to hell. And by “all” I mean “all 49 states except North Carolina,” whose legislature is fighting to keep the satans at bay (where the sea level is definitely not rising, so screw you, Science!). The Defense of Religion Act, sponsored by Republican N.C. House representatives Harry Warren and Carl Ford, aims to protect North Carolina’s right to establish an official state religion.
Naming it the Defense of Religion Act is great because it really conveys a sense of urgency, as if religion is being attacked by someone or something from which we need to defend it. And it’s not like anyone has ever raised an army in the name of religion — it’s totally helpless and under attack, people.
The bill states that the Establishment Clause in the First Amendment of the Constitution — the one that prohibits Congress from making a law respecting an establishment of religion — ought not to apply to states, municipalities and schools. The bill goes on to justify not adhering to the Supreme Law of the Land using the Tenth Amendment — essentially expressing these unenumerated rights should be decided by the state.
It’s a brilliant tactic I would never have thought of: using the Constitution against itself. For North Carolina Republicans, reading the Constitution is like reading the Bible — you just pick out the parts you like. Ignoring the Supremacy Clause is like ignoring the part in Matthew where Jesus says “Love thy neighbor.” Though, to be fair, perhaps they’re not totally ignoring Jesus’ word — they probably interpreted his teaching with a list of unenumerated exceptions at the end to make it read, “unless they’re gay …” (hence Amendment One).
The thing I like the most about this bill is that it’s gutsy. Harry Warren and Carl Ford are looking the federal government right in the eyes and saying, “We don’t have to follow your manmade rules anymore.” Which is exactly why opening up North Carolina to an official state religion makes so much sense.
Additionally, I know for a fact that this bill isn’t unconstitutional. Before any elected or appointed official begins his or her duties, they must take an Oath of Office, which begins, “I will support and maintain the Constitution … of the United States.”
You see, folks, Warren and Ford love the Constitution so much that they are willing to smother it — or take it out behind an abandoned shed and shoot it in its face (by the way, the Constitution totally protects their right to shoot it in the face with any gun they want).
You know, it’s like when a psychotic ex-husband in a movie puts a pillow over his sleeping wife’s face and says, “I’m only doing this because I love you.”
Many disagree with this bill, calling it “downright unconstitutional.” And several more feel the N.C. GOP does not hold its constituents’ best interests at heart, especially when you consider last year’s Amendment One, and Gov. Pat McCrory’s budget that would cut $139 million from the UNC System. But if that’s the case, then we should all hope for an official state religion to pass, because the N.C. GOP could certainly use our prayers.
