*Note: This column was intended to be satirical.
Every now and again, creationists have to defend the truth against the Bible-burning, Darwinian cultists we know as evolutionists. Sometimes it gets hard defending intelligent design. Evolutionists are tricky, but I’m here to give you a few solid arguments sure to shut up evolutionists everywhere.
In a video for the Big Think series, pseudo-scientist Bill Nye asserts that creationism is not consistent with everything we’ve observed in the universe and is “not appropriate” for children.
His time on “Dancing with the Stars” wasn’t appropriate for children, but you don’t see me making videos about it.
Nye pointed out that the denial of evolution is unique to the United States, but goes on to explain our nation as one at the forefront of technological advances. Ever think, just maybe, the U.S. is at the forefront of technology because we subscribe to real beliefs such as creationism?
Nye and other scientists seem to think false evidences such as dinosaur bones and carbon dating can give us information about the past — namely, that the Earth is billions of years old. If he were a real scientist, he would know that science cannot tell us anything about the past, only the here and now and possibly the future. To learn about the past, we have religion.
Speaking of history, have evolutionists perhaps forgotten about all the times science has led humanity astray? Science told us the Earth was flat. Science told us our planet was the center of the universe. Science has been wrong countless times before, so why would this time be any different?
The Bible, on the other hand, has never been wrong. For instance, humanity had to wait for science to catch up with Leviticus 15:13 in telling us to wash our hands in running water to avoid disease. Why would the creation of the universe be any different?
Evolutionists need to keep in mind the fact that their theory of, well, everything is nothing more than that — a theory. If they’re so confident in their beliefs, evolutionists should teach both sides of the controversy and let people come to their own conclusions. I’m sure a lot more people would choose intelligent design.
Especially in higher education facilities, it is important to get an education of the higher power. Universities that boast scientific-mindedness need to work more toward teaching open-mindedness.
Every evolutionist loves avoiding the big question: If we came from apes, why are there still monkeys?
Sure, they’ll say something like, “We all come from one common ancestor, not from monkeys directly.” Yet there seems to be no proof of any missing link. Never mind how irrational it is to demand a specimen of an interspecies creature that likely never existed. And if it ever did show up, we’d probably be able to do what we did with the dinosaur bones and deny its authenticity.
Besides, we all know the real common ancestor is God.
Evolution is fiction reserved for Pokémon games, so it just can’t be real. No one can explain what causes evolution whereas creationism has a clear, indisputable source. Charles Darwin was wrong, plain and simple.
Because evolution clearly isn’t right, it only makes sense that creationism is truth — just as we’ve known all along. It’s time we shut evolutionists up.
