Since we first attacked Iraq in 2003, common criticism has pointed to a need to shift our attention from international to national affairs—we need to fix ourselves before we fix other countries. 

Now, with the Obama administration threatening to strike Syria as punishment for its President Assad’s alleged use of chemical weapons on his own citizens, critics again suggest we attend to domestic affairs first. 

So I propose we bomb Kansas. 

Kansas makes the perfect state for bombing. For one, it is home to the Westboro Baptist Church. So, taking out innocent civilians near the church is sure to teach the hate group a lesson about its aggressive evangelicalism. 

The strike against Syria is not meant to solve anything—that is, it is not meant to put an end to the violence or to take down Assad—it’s only meant to punish Assad for using chemical weapons in the hope that he sticks to traditional, legally sanctioned, warfare in the future. 

We’ve labeled the Westboro Baptist Church a “hate group” and marked certain actions illegal, but that did not deter them from picketing funerals to draw attention to the moral depravity and offense to God’s word, which was leading to and justifying deaths. Just as a peace agreement with Syria is no longer a viable option, neither is it with Kansas. Bombing the state of Kansas will teach the Westboro Baptists to cool it with regard to their spread of hatred. 

In addition to teaching a hate group an important lesson, bombing Kansas will help Americans learn exactly where Kansas is located. 

As a “fly-over” state, Kansas is often overlooked and even confused with states such as Idaho, Utah, Wyoming and Colorado. Just as our previous world police endeavors helped us to mark countries such as Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia and now Syria on our maps, an internal attack on Kansas will help us finally get those “fly-over” states straight. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” you might be saying to yourself. “This is all a little extreme. When I said we should work on a national level before doing anything on a global level, I didn’t mean we should bomb ourselves!” 

Well, reader and hypothetical devil’s advocate, I’m only using evidence taken from watching the Bush and now the Obama administration— they’ve taught me that the only way to help in times of political and social turmoil is through bombing. 

It worked in the Middle East, why shouldn’t it work on “fly-over” states? Why should we treat any sort of conflict overseas differently than we would here? Why should we think violence would do anything but beget more violence? Shame on you, reader, for thinking we wouldn’t apply our global liberation tactics to our own country. 

Obviously, after we liberate Kansas from the Westboro Baptist Church, we can move on to other states until we’re all free of violence.