Readers, I am a big fan of technology. I’m constantly upgrading my iPhone 5 and iPad (which is now used as a lap-desk for my iPad Mini), while surfing the Interweb for the newest thing I didn’t know I wanted. Why? Because it makes me cooler than my dork neighbor who still has the iPhone 4S (so 2012). So, as I dictate this column to Siri, it pains me to make a case for why Hunt Library should burn.
Think about it. Hunt Library is filled with revolutionary educational technologies and state-of-the-art robots that fetch books for students. But what are those robots doing when they’re not working for people? That seemingly innocent BookBot is surrounded by records of our knowledge of nearly every subject known to mankind, and it’s probably scheming to use that against us when it breaks free and robots become our overlords. You won’t see that on the security camera — probably because they’re in cahoots with BookBot. I for one cannot allow that to happen. I want technology to work for me, not the other way around.
But, soon enough, neither I nor you will be working at all — that is if the robots get their way. In this month’s issue of Wired magazine, writer Kevin Kelly, with the help of late-night talk show host Jimmy Fallon, wrote an article welcoming our new robotic autocrats. Kelly writes that “before the end of this century, 70 percent of today’s occupations will … be replaced by automation.” Kelly goes so far as to say we should be happy about it.
Oh sure, “happy,” like I’m sure the factory workers in 20th century were when sophisticated machines took their job. Sure, maybe it solved the whole losing-your-finger-in-a-factory-accident issue, but at what cost?
According to Kelly, newer robots are learning to do everything from vacuuming, to writing sports stories. Yes, software created by Narrative Science can write sports stories for newspapers by analyzing the game’s stats. OH, GOD! It’s only a matter of time before that same software forms an opinion about how horrible the Charlotte Bobcats are. After that, what’s to stop it from taking my job as an opinion columnist? What next, will Google win the next Pulitzer in investigative journalism?
As if we couldn’t be more irresponsible, we’ve equipped robots with deadly weapons.
One robot, dubbed Big Jim is working alongside police officers in Lane County, Ore., and is the first “man” sent in when a situation becomes too dangerous for cops. The 350-pound robot has eyes, ears and guns. Sure, Big Jim might be helping humans now, but what happens when he realizes he’s always the first one sent into the line of fire? Surely he’ll notice that he always get the short straw when they draw for someone to go disarm a bomb.
Another robot manufactured by Aldebaran Robotics named Data can perform stand-up comedy. Data was originally created for educational purposes. As if robots weren’t human enough, now they’re taking on the very real human task of disappointing their parents by foregoing education to become comedians.
So you see, readers, Hunt is essentially nerve center of high-tech Armageddon — it may very well serve as the nucleus of the impending robot takeover. Some might argue that learning how to navigate the high-tech library will prepare N.C. State students for an increasingly high-tech world. But until we burn it back to the Stone Age, I’ll be climbing the BookBot shelves to find books on my own.
