To those who worry that chivalry is dead, that we live in a hook-up culture, to those special snowflake men who think they’re the last of a dying breed: I’ve written you an epitaph.

“Chivalry has been dead and buried, but it’s looking like the hand of Carrie.”

Here’s looking at you, John Picciuto of Elite Daily.

Picciuto authored a column, “Why chivalry is dead, from a man’s perspective,” late in the summer of 2013. He basically rants about the decline in courtship etiquette and dating culture, because they contribute to the rise of hook-up culture.

“I think I’m the only single guy I know that actually takes a girl out to a restaurant on a first date,” Picciuto writes.

Well, isn’t that nice of you.

Really, his column is an eloquent complaint that he isn’t getting any because his value system seems outdated—and it is.

This apparently friend-zoned man-child had an ostensibly fail-proof formula his parents told him would have women swooning left and right. He comes across disgruntled that relationships are more than rewards for hypothetical date tokens.

Picciuto lets his true colors show, as he asserts in the final paragraph that ultimately all men want is sex. Surprisingly enough, some men want relationships. We are not lone beasts who thrive on solitude and humping.

Sex is a driving force in dating, sure, but it’s not the only driving force. Women and men and everyone in between, for the most part, like and crave sex. It’s part of what keeps our species going.

To make it even better, Picciuto blames women for their supposed mistreatment, saying, “I feel that women will wise up and start asking for the things that they deserve….”

According to this nice-guy-columnist, women deserve having their seats pulled out for them, their doors opened for them and dinners paid for them—as if every woman in the world needs or even wants this sort of treatment.  

Paying for dinner, for instance, came about when women were not allowed or expected to work and could not pay for their own meals. Sure, nowadays women make 75 cents to every dollar men make, but that doesn’t mean men should continue paying for every single meal.

Picciuto asserts that chivalry and respect for women come hand-in-hand. Nothing says respect quite like assuming they’re all the same, right?

A conversation I have had too many times with friends and peers is the debate about whether or not it is sexist to hold a door open for a woman.

The short answer: yes.

The long answer: Holding the door open for anyone is a common courtesy. It’s fine to do it for everyone. However, rushing ahead of a stranger to hold the door open for her sends the message that she is unable to do so herself or that she deserves special treatment based on nothing other than her gender.

These sorts of chivalrous micro-interactions indicate a system that both puts women down in a physical and competency sense and places them upon a pedestal, forcing upon them unachievable standards of perfection that supposedly warrant special treatment.

Chivalry systems don’t account for anyone outside of the gender binary, nor do they account for women (and men) who would prefer unconventional dating and courting methods.

Many will react to the feminist denial of chivalry with arguments such as, “but it’s how I was raised to treat a woman.” Sorry to break it to you, but that’s an insufficient understanding of how relationships work. There is no single way to treat a woman (or anyone for that matter), as—surprise—we are a varied species with a wide range of preferences as to how we would like to be treated.

Picciuto and supporters, your values are outdated. Perhaps try getting to know people before you decide the best way to date them.

Chivalry is dead. Let’s keep it buried under six feet of concrete and mark it with a mortsafe.

Send your thoughts to Nicky at technician-viewpoint@ncsu.edu.