NCSU grief-support group reaches out to students dealing with loss

Emma Cathell

Assistant Features Editor 

Some people who go through grief tend to feel alone, lost and confused. A part of their life is gone and they are unsure what to do.

Grief is not uncommon, and especially on a college campus. The National Students of Actively Moving Forward (AMF) reported that, “About one in three college students have experienced the death of a family member or close friend within the past year.”

According to Kathryn Koster, a senior in Business Administration Marketing and president of the AMF N.C. State Chapter, AMF is a nonprofit organization whose purpose is to support college students going through the process of losing a loved one or who have already lost a loved one.

AMF was first founded in 2006 by David Fajgenbaum, a Raleigh native, and is named after the initials of his mother who passed away, Anne Marie Fajgenbaum. It started where Fajgenbaum attended college, Georgetown University, and quickly grew nationally. An AMF chapter for N.C. State was established in 2007, and the national headquarters are located in Raleigh as well.

“The main reason that AMF has helped me is just being able to talk to other students who have also been through the grief process,” Will Appleyard, sophomore in Biology and AMF member, said. “It’s different for everyone, but it just helps students feel like they’re not alone on campus, that they’re not alone in their grief, and that’s a really big deal for me.”

Roger Callanan, assistant vice provost and co-facilitator of the grief group at the counseling center, has experience with students dealing with grief and can relate to what they go through with the loss of a loved one.

“Frequently what will happen with grief, or when someone is hurt or mistreated, is that there is a typical response of isolation,” Callanan said. “Isolation is a normal response, and related to that, is really losing one’s voice. [A support group] is about being among peers who have experienced a death even though each is very unique, but knowing that there are others who have had at least a similar experience and having that reassurance that you’re not just the odd person out.”

After losing her father during college, Koster also said AMF has helped her with connecting to other students, which Callanan notes is really important for people going through the grief process as well.

“It’s nice being able to share exactly what I’m going through with someone that actually understands what I’m going through,” Koster said. “Rather than people feeling sorry for me, people can say, ‘Oh my gosh, yeah me too, I’m going through that same issue.’ It’s just comforting to know people don’t necessarily have to feel sorry for me. I can do this, but it helps to have a community of people who are going through it with me.”

Appleyard said that it’s good to talk about grief with others during the support groups, and at times it can be difficult, but rewarding, to experience.

“It can be challenging not to know exactly what to say sometimes,” Appleyard said. “But part of the group is working through that and being able to build better communication with people who have been through grief. We’re not professionals or anything, but we have a better understanding of knowing how to talk about our experience.”

Not only do the students in AMF have bimonthly support groups, each semester they participate in a service project as well. Appleyard said the service projects make the group [members] close, but in a different way than the support groups do.

“We did Relay for Life last year, and we’re planning to do it again this year,” Appleyard said. “It was really fun because we got to stay up all night at Relay for Life and we made alcohol-free margaritas. It’s a good way to feel like we’re giving back to the community because Relay for Life, for example, is with the American Cancer Society, and that’s what a lot of our parents had to go through. So it’s a good way to raise funds for the American Cancer Society, but also you’re having fun while doing it.”

Appleyard and Koster both said AMF does tremendous things. Not only does it bring students together, but it creates tight bonds and close friendships while helping students move forward with the grief process.

“My first semester in college was when my mom passed away, so it was really hard both getting used to the college environment and having to go through that,” Appleyard said. “AMF was really important to me for keeping me on track. I didn’t take off any time. It’s really important to me to find a network, even in the midst of everything, and for me, AMF is just perfect for that.”

Koster elaborated further about how AMF has helped her tremendously.

“Without AMF, I don’t think I would be where I am right now,” Koster said. “I don’t know if I could say that I was graduating in May. I probably would have had to take a semester off just because [a loss of a loved one] changes everything. Your world is just totally rocked.”

Callanan also mentioned how much a college student’s world can be affected by the loss of a loved one.

“A university environment is very forward thinking; it’s very positive and success oriented,” Callanan said. “And so when I would come across students who’d experienced loss, it was like that all got unplugged. All of a sudden, especially if it is the first real experience of loss, a college student didn’t know what to do. So it wasn’t just the loss of that individual that they care a great deal about, but it’s, ‘my entire world and the way I’ve come to see it and expect it,’ has changed.”

It’s hard losing someone close to you, and the students of AMF are working toward moving forward together. Appleyard and Koster said the group wants to continue being close and also wants their numbers to grow with others in need of community. Koster said she definitely believes AMF is an organization that will continue growing.

“I think one of our chapter’s main goals is getting the word out,” Koster said. “I know so many people that could probably benefit from it, if they just knew that we existed.