Last Sunday night, while relishing our procrastination, two girlfriends and I reorganized my room, discussing everything from Command Hooks to the purpose of life. In the midst of the conversation and cleaning, we shifted to the topic of babies.
Our conversation consisted mostly of questions regarding what kind of parent we would be. Are we going to force our kids to play sports? Will we have strict bed times? How will we deal with sibling rivalries? And then I said it.
“Sometimes I think the desire to have children is pretty selfish.”
I hadn’t realized how unappealing the idea of not having children is to many people, but I’ve come to think it’s likely, for many couples, having children is more a selfish desire than a noble choice.
I realize that it is our instinct as living creatures to reproduce and continue our lineage. I understand that a child is a beautiful thing. I know it is our destiny and God-sent duty to “be fruitful and multiply.” I’m aware that we must reproduce to ensure our species’ survival. These things all sit with me and I acknowledge these as understandable, important and valid.
My qualm is that we, as a general population, are not being conscientious enough when we decide to have children.
This is a standard I am applying to all people equally, not just those deemed unworthy to reproduce by the elite society. I’m not referring simply to the children born in India, China or Latin America, where one’s mind seems to go when we think of overpopulation as an issue. Or to the parents who many people think are having children only to further clog public government aid. I’m bringing the future soccer moms and dads of the world into the conversation of responsible reproduction.
In the United States, our cities and towns are not yet condensed to a point we find unbearably unpleasant, food-scarcity is not as rampant as in other nations, and our population has yet to be deemed a serious problem. We have esteemed higher education institutions, a low rate of infant-mortality, nice beaches and mountains. All these wonderful things, however, are not enough to excuse the number of children birthed each year.
As a nation that is moving toward more sustainable solutions, we are more willing to buy a Prius, recycle our empty Aquafina bottles and turn the water off than consider having fewer children. Something about that simply feels strange.
The average carbon footprint for an individual worldwide is about 4 tons, according to an MIT report. For the average U.S. resident, it’s about 20 tons. Even for individuals who are homeless in the U.S., the average is much higher than the worldwide average, falling around 8.5 tons.
Environmentally savvy or not, that’s a big deal. Solely in terms of greenhouse gas emissions, a child born in the U.S. will undoubtedly have a larger individual impact on the environment than a child born in a developing nation.
Even more impending than the world’s overpopulation and environmental crisis is the culture of baby-birthing that many of the best-intentioned individuals fall into.
They have Pinterest boards dedicated to dinosaur-themed birthday parties and crafts that can be made with paperclips. They are married, stable couples ready to take the next step and have a child together. But something there is lacking, and that is awareness about what having a child actually means.
Don’t get me wrong, there are wonderful parents out there, but I fear there are few who understand what having a child entails. It’s not all cute baby pictures and funny stories to share with your friends over coffee and skim milk. It’s having a child who struggles with school, a child whose beliefs challenge yours, a child who may be bullied, or may even be a bully, a child who would rather play video games than play outside.
And none of these challenges necessarily result from bad parenting, and none of the solutions will be perfect. Until every future parent understands this, and I mean truly understands this, I fear for the quality of life of children born into a society that for once is seeing sons and daughters have a dimmer future than their parents had. Don’t have a child because you think you want someone to give your unconditional love and wisdom to; write a book and get a puppy first.
Perhaps the argument is not convincing enough, and for many it won’t be, but the solution doesn’t lie in a complete decline in birth rates. I’m not pressing the idea of passing laws to control how many children a person can have or a forced medical procedure everyone must undergo once they hit a determined limit. I’m asking for awareness. Simple awareness that by bringing a child into this world you are not only responsible for that child, you are also responsible for the environmental consequences. Consider having fewer children or—perhaps a radical idea—adopt a child.
Maybe it’s because I’m personally leaning toward not having children, I can ask for such a bold reform in our way of thought. It is so vitally important for us to understand the miracle of childbirth and to treat it as such.
