The talking stage is something we know all too well in the dating world. It can be full of potential for a relationship, genuine memories or even full-blown relationship issues. While the term “talking stage” does encompass a fair amount of what goes on before officially dating someone, the newer term “situationship” does an even better job of defining the ridiculously confusing stage people go through when getting to know someone — going out on dates, being romantically and emotionally involved with them without ever having the official title of being in a relationship — all of which can still leave you heartbroken when it ends.

Situationships are very common in college, so much so that almost everyone I’ve spoken to about them says they’ve had an unfortunate situationship experience. Personally, I’ve unfortunately been in multiple situationships throughout my life, some being years long, and can honestly say I am tired of it. 

Some articles and people say that you can tell you are in a situationship by the fact that you never talk about the future, you never meet their friends or family or there’s no consistency. In my experience, I have had all of these things occur without labeling the relationship, thus making it another situationship. Therefore, another issue is that the lines of what a situationship entails are too blurry as there is no true definition, making them even harder to navigate.

The emergence of the term is validating in a way as it finally gives you a way to describe what happened between you and a romantic interest instead of just saying something along the lines of “I guess we’re a thing, but he’s not my boyfriend.” What’s even worse is when you are upset or even heartbroken over a situationship that ended, and people throw out the old “but you didn’t even date them” card. At the very least, the term allows you to acknowledge a connection you had with someone, even if it was never a formally established relationship. 

What I find ridiculous is that so many people will partake in situationships knowing they don’t want to be in an actual relationship but act as if they do. It seems as though one party always has one foot in and one foot out because they don’t want to fully commit to a relationship — which is fine when communicated and shown through actions. 

However, it is not fair to act like a boyfriend or girlfriend to someone during the talking stage and lead someone on to thinking they are moving toward a relationship. Especially as an adult, it’s time we stop messing with others’ emotions and simply communicate our true intentions.

I understand not wanting to be in a relationship as I have been in that state of mind myself for years at a time, and everyone has the right to want or not want a relationship.  However, this surge of situationships is so frustrating for those of us who now feel ready for a relationship in college. I have never felt the need to be in a relationship, but the desire to be in a healthy and happy relationship with someone you are interested in is normal and should not be something so difficult to achieve. 

We could blame failed situationships on overlooked red flags, lack of communication or just things not working out. However, a lot of times with situationships, one person acted as though they were in a relationship with the other, thus leading to complicated miscommunication and a mess of an end to the romantic encounter. 

Dating and relationships can be extremely difficult, and they were difficult before the term situationship came along. But now that it is here, we need to realize that it is not fair to carry out unspoken situationships as it only leads to one person believing they are progressing into a relationship when in reality this was never going to be the case.