Many people have been ghosted or been the ghoster during their lifetime. As it stands, this act is commonplace, which is why it’s important to acknowledge and prevent the mental health impacts ghosting can have on those involved.
According to Psychology Today, ghosting is “abruptly ending communication with someone without explanation.” Sounds bad, right? We must then ask ourselves why it’s so common.
Technology, social media and online dating apps can take much of the blame for the normalcy of ghosting culture. Between 2013 and 2015, dating app usage among young adults age 18-24 nearly tripled. This statistic is understandable, especially when you think about how many students have Tinder, Bumble or Hinge profiles. Such changes have made ghosting the “modern way” to exit people’s lives.
In a recent survey of 800 people conducted by the dating site Plenty of Fish, 80% of singles age 18-33 admitted to being ghosted. And, as Pew Research Center data reveals, those of us within that age group — specifically those aged 18-29 — happen to be the people most in tune with social media.
Beside technology, another reason ghosting has become the norm is because ceasing communication without explanation is easy; it prevents you from having difficult conversations where you express your feelings, and it eliminates responsibility that comes with a breakup. However, this out of sight, out of mind attitude only creates a positive feedback loop of poor communication. Our generation already has trouble communicating due to technology, so giving us a socially acceptable excuse to avoid communicating is a recipe for disaster.
If poor communication is both a cause and an effect of ghosting, you might ask yourself if there are other consequences which instigate it. The answer is yes.
Ghosting is a disappointing cycle, as those who get ghosted are more likely to become ghosters themselves. This cycle is dangerous because as those who get ghosted become ghosters, more people have the potential to face other harmful side effects of ghosting.
Some short-term consequences for the individual include confusion and decreased self-esteem. The internalized feelings of self-doubt and self-criticism that result from getting ghosted have unfortunate long-term consequences, such as decreased trust and vulnerability in future relationships. Some may fear something similar happening to them in a different relationship, and so they pull away from serious connections or boycott dating apps altogether.
I certainly understand the apprehension. The dating scene is already bleak in college, and I’m tired of potential partners having anything but potential.
There are instances where ghosting someone would be okay. For example, if the person you’ve been talking to online — or even if you’ve met them in person — is making you feel unsafe or places you in an abusive or toxic situation, blocking them and moving on is a good idea. However, most of the time, people aren’t ghosting for safety purposes, and that’s where the problem lies.
If you get ghosted, try to remind yourself that it’s indicative of their character, not yours. You deserve the respect of an honest conversation with meaningful answers, not an unopened Snapchat message or Instagram DM.
If you are the ghoster — I won’t lie and say I haven’t been on both ends of the spectrum — think of how your actions will impact the other person. Sure, ghosting may be the easy way out for you and it may save you trouble in the short-term, but do you really want someone else’s pain on your conscience?
