The highly anticipated celebrity documentary “Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me” revealed many multifaceted messages to viewers. It dives into the last six years of Gomez’s life, starting in 2016 with footage of her dealing with a poor body image and intense emotional struggles. Gomez endured a lot as a celebrity diagnosed with bipolar disorder whilst handling lupus. 

A few close members on her team, family and personal friends remained by her side through it all. One friend in particular, Raquelle Stevens, sparked a heated debate across social media. 

Some individuals online said Stevens is a bad friend and displays toxic behaviors toward Gomez. Others said Stevens is a good friend who simply gives tough love to Gomez in the interactions we see in the documentary. I agree with those who are saying Stevens is a toxic friend for a number of reasons we should all pay attention to.

As we grow older and fully realize ourselves, we tend to experience relationship and friendship troubles. Some can have a substantial negative impact on you until you decide to cut off communication with them. Every case is different, but having experienced a number of toxic friendship dynamics in my life, I unfortunately saw familiar traits in Stevens’ behavior in this documentary. 

A frequent behavior from Stevens being called into question is her tendency to insinuate Gomez is ungrateful for her fame and opportunities, along with displaying a lack of empathy.

This is a prime example of Stevens’ toxicity that shouldn’t be deemed as tough love. Many times toxic friends will mask their hurtful words with the excuse of being brutally honest or joking around. Sometimes comments on our character or life decisions are plain hurtful and damaging. We should recognize the difference in order to protect ourselves. It is better to separate yourself from the friends who constantly bring you down. Honestly, it’s better for both of you.

Another red flag I noted in the documentary with toxic friendships is when friends will belittle you for your excitement about something. As a person with a bubbly personality most of the time, I’ve had friends in the past say things like “why are you so happy?” or “why do you laugh at everything?” These comments may seem harmless but can build up over time into feelings of self doubt or even changes in your behavior. 

We see more examples of toxic behavior from Stevens throughout the documentary, but they all boil down to one fact: Stevens isn’t making Gomez’s life any easier. If anything, she’s making it more difficult, much like toxic friends can do in our lives in college or at any point. 

It can become even more challenging to recognize toxic behavior in friends after being friends for a long period of time. You may find yourself defending their words or behavior to other friends or family who are concerned, but let’s face it, sometimes people are just toxic. This doesn’t mean they have the right to make you feel bad about yourself for any reason. 

I unfortunately have plenty more examples of past toxic friends that involve a lot of upsetting comments, but the important thing to remember when dealing with them is it’s not your fault for not recognizing their behavior sooner, and you deserve loving friends.

It’s easier to see the best in people, and everyone has some good traits and some bad. However, if you find yourself feeling gaslit, stressed or even crying after the majority of your interactions, it is probably time to end the friendship and wish them the best. 

In my experience, cutting toxic friends out of your life can alleviate immense amounts of stress and better your overall mental health. Friends are not responsible for our mental health state, but they can impact it over time. We should prioritize keeping only truly good friends around us to the best of our ability. It’s time to cut ties with friends who are actively toxic and only cause more issues in our lives.