When you ask someone what they were most excited about when coming into college, they’re probably not going to talk about classes or dining hall food. The most common response I’ve heard is making new friends and meeting new people. Most people expect college to be a time of social blossoming and instant friendships, and it can be painfully disappointing if it isn’t.
Not all incoming college students are the most sociable. It can be harder than it seems to make new friends, especially for those of us who have strong relationships with people from our hometown or just find it difficult to talk to new people. Meeting new people also becomes increasingly daunting as the school year progresses. Friend groups have been established, clubs have started and study groups have been made. Sometimes it seems like if you don’t make friends in the first week, you’ve lost your chance.
As someone who has struggled with loneliness myself since coming to college, it never helps to see people I know posting pictures with dozens of new friends they seem to have clicked with immediately. If you are like me and sometimes think you’re the only person struggling, you’re not — according to a 2018 study from the American College Health Association, around 63% of college students reported feeling very lonely at some point in the last 12 months.
No matter what kind of facade others are presenting on social media, they are likely also feeling alone behind the camera. Everyone misses someone, and we all spend time feeling like we are the only ones experiencing this. Loneliness is a normal human emotion, but it’s up to you how you choose to deal with it. Here are some of my recommendations.
Join a club. It doesn’t matter what club. It doesn’t matter if you know anyone else going. It doesn’t even matter if you’re good at the thing the club does. Even just attending an interest meeting or one event can give you an opportunity to find someone with the same interests as you. You might not end up with long-lasting friendships from one club meeting, but at the very least you’ll get practice talking to people. I have been to meetings for clubs I knew I didn’t have time to attend regularly just so I could meet people I had something in common with.
Make a study group. If you are struggling in a class, your classmates probably are too. Even if you aren’t struggling in class, ask the people around you if they want to grab a coffee and do work together. Chances are they will jump at the opportunity to make a new group that can study together.
Sit with people sitting alone. When you walk past a person sitting alone in the dining hall, ask if they want some company. This one can be a bit scarier than the others, but it can be so rewarding to meet a new person and know you’re saving them from a bit of loneliness as well. Most of the friends I have made so far have come from striking up conversations with people sitting alone near me in the dining halls.
All these tips are easier said than done. I can’t count the number of times people have told me to “just put yourself out there” as if that simple solution was right in front of my face the whole time and I just didn’t know. Making friends is hard, but I promise you are not the only one who is having trouble. Keep in mind there is also no timeline for friendships. Even now, weeks into the school year, I am still making new friends in my classes that I hadn’t had the opportunity to talk to earlier. Do your best to step out of your comfort zone and meet someone new today.
