Since it’s FDOC, I thought I’d round up all the advice I have for those first-years who have never shared a space with anyone (other than your family) before. For many of you, college brings about having one or several roommates, on or off campus. It may be awkward and weird at first, you just need time to adjust.
Set boundaries and expectations early: The biggest thing I would recommend is sitting down with your roommate(s) and talking about the responsibilities of living together. For some, this means a chore chart, and for others, it can mean having quiet hours after a certain time. Living with others means being adaptable but also unafraid to be firm about what you need. Even though these conversations can be tense to have, it’s better to set boundaries before it all begins.
At the end of the day, your roommates can become your best friends or not — and that’s OK. If you’ve decided to live with someone you’re very close to, you may end up hating them towards the end of it. I don’t mean this negatively, but, a lot of great friends could be terrible roommates and vice versa. It’s not worth ruining a relationship, unless of course, you both set these boundaries as soon as your lease starts. Having separate leases from your roommates also eases some headaches later on.
Communicate: Many times, roommate issues can be mended by a simple face to face conversation. If you aren’t able to set boundaries early on, conflict can arise and this is inevitable. However, things can be resolved quickly if you bring up the issues to your roommate(s) directly instead of sweating it out.
You may think they left that dirty dish in the sink on purpose, but I promise they didn’t. As much as I’d like them to, people can’t read minds and won’t know what you need unless you say it openly. When communicating what you need, it’s also important to be firm but kind with these conversations. If you go into a conversation with fists swinging, it’s guaranteed the outcome will be unproductive and make both of you feel like crap.
Lastly, don’t do those dirty dishes for your roommates! You may feel like you have to for your sanity, but it unfortunately sets an expectation you really don’t want.
Remember that people come from different backgrounds than you: As you get older, there are bound to be individuals who come from very different backgrounds than you. It’s a part of life and being open-minded and adaptable to new circumstances is an excellent trait to have.
One of the biggest challenges I faced was navigating financial differences. When I first chose my roommates, I wasn’t really aware of how much money would affect our friendship, but it unfortunately did. For a lot of my stay there, I knew I would work every weekend to afford rent and other necessities. For some of my roommates, they didn’t have to work as much because their parents helped them pay their rent. While I’m not judging those who have parental support, if you are this roommate, you should become aware of what others can pay for and what they can’t. I enjoyed partying from time to time, but I couldn’t afford to do this every weekend. Our relationship could’ve worked out better if we set this expectation early on, but you live and learn.
Financial differences aren’t the only ones that could come up, there are mental health, cultural, familial and a plethora more. At the end of the day, you and your roommate(s) will have differences, and that’s OK. With an open line of communication, you can set yourself up for a healthy living environment, no matter what comes your way.
