I work part-time as a support professional for individuals with autism and intellectual disabilities. I assist my participants with their financial tasks, filing paperwork and gauging social skills — a job I find fairly easy given how independent the people I work with are.

Currently, I’m working with an adult who lives independently in their apartment, paying their bills with the career they have. The only difference between them and a neurotypical adult is that they need a little extra support and guidance.

Still, when I tell people about my job, I’m often met with condescending tones and misguided admiration as they gush over how “precious” and “innocent” people with disabilities are.

I understand that people mean well by speaking about the disabled community with adoration, but such language is ableist at its core and negates the unique experiences of each individual with an intellectual disability.

Thanks to the ongoing Disability Rights Movement that started in the 1960s, ableism is less tolerated and those with disabilities are not completely excommunicated from society. Still, despite efforts towards destigmatization, it’s impossible to ignore that some people still maintain the belief that everyone with intellectual disabilities is happy-go-lucky with a sweet, childlike innocence.

I had the same attitude before I started working with individuals with disabilities in middle school. I assumed that everyone with such disabilities was inherently kind-hearted and pure.

Once I started volunteering in the special education classroom, I quickly learned to challenge this misconception and realized I needed to honor the unique personalities of neurodivergent individuals as I would anyone else. Being intelligent and emotionally mature and having a disability are not mutually exclusive, and this is something that neurotypical individuals must recognize.

I was a summer camp counselor for four years in this community and understand that those with disabilities feel the same range of emotions that all people do. They have frustrations, fears, sorrows, dislikes and insecurities; reducing them to being perpetually cheerful — as I often hear people do when I discuss my work — negates and dismisses all the negative human emotions they experience.

Countless people with autism or intellectual disabilities live alone, support themselves financially and maintain fruitful social and romantic relationships. Many times, in my experience, I wouldn’t have even known that the person has a disability had they not stated it point blank.

To presume that everyone with a disability is helpless dismisses the effort they put in towards being autonomous.

It’s also unnecessary to overly commend people with disabilities for leading independent lives. Most don’t expect praise for making their own doctor appointments or filing their taxes, so why excessively celebrate someone else’s ability to complete tasks simply because they are disabled?

It’s important not to feel ashamed of having ableist perspectives, but we must confront them; I learned that I can’t beat myself up for making misguided assumptions about the disabled community so long as I recognize and change my biased thinking to be more inclusive.

By being attuned to ableist presuppositions and recognizing that disabilities are only a fragment of one’s identity, we can support the disabled community in receiving the same respect and opportunities that all individuals are entitled to rather than perpetuate harmful ideas.

One also must eliminate the assumption that the personalities of individuals with disabilities are homogenous — that is far from the truth.

Referring to people with disabilities as “precious,” “darling” or “innocent” should be avoided. Individuals with disabilities deserve to be treated their age, not infantilized as if they are stuck in a permanent premature state.

When meeting a person with a disability, let them request assistance before offering it unprompted. Waiting for someone to ask for help is always better than assuming intervention is needed and allows the individual to feel more comfortable with going at their own pace.

A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself, “Would I interact with a neurotypical individual of the same age in this manner?” If you find that your tone or actions towards someone with a disability would be patronizing in a different context, then adjust your behavior to demonstrate respect.

Autism and intellectual disabilities manifest differently in each person, and it’s important to recognize individual abilities instead of slapping a one-size-fits-all label onto the entire community.