Being confined to forced small talk causes a unique form of anguish. You understand how it feels to nod along and frantically look for a way out while you’re standing there acting enthralled as yet another person reveals their boring and generic story. The catch is that, as much as we all loathe it, engaging in meaningful conversations requires a certain amount of forehand small talk.

Small talk is uncomfortable, monotonous and frequently feels like an endurance test. You’ll be paying that price a lot, especially in college, whether you like it or not.

In the quintessential college experience, this begins on the very first day of orientation. There, one inevitably struggles to communicate with others, hindered by the usual barrage of surface-level questions such as: “What’s your name? What’s your major? Where are you from?” These questions, though familiar and harmless, often fail to spark any meaningful interaction.

Meanwhile, your soul quietly recoils, and you wonder if there’s a polite way to fake a medical emergency just to escape.

It’s an unwritten fact that genuine friendships seldom ever emerge from forced exchanges of meaningless words. Instead, true connections are formed when both parties are willing to step beyond the confines of small talk, engaging in conversations about more unconventional topics — subjects that provoke real, authentic reactions and allow for a deeper understanding of each other.

Ultimately, small talk is a necessary evil for those of us who consider ourselves introverts trying to establish some sort of rapport with like-minded people. My experience has shown that the most successful friendships unfold like this:

You walk up to someone new, or perhaps you’ve been introduced to each other by someone who knows you both. You exchange the usual pleasantries, quickly establishing the tone to set up for the meaningful part of the conversation.

Small talk is a gateway to something much more substantial.

Without first building basic acquaintanceships, no one will be ready to dive into your passionate conversation about your annoying politics, newly-learned philosophies or the existential crisis you experienced during your most recent exam. In one minute, you can’t expect to transition from no conversation to a long, thoughtful discussion with a complete stranger. Human connections typically don’t operate that way.

Yes, it can come across as forced and uncomfortable, and it often leads to those embarrassing moments where you both stand there unsure of whether to go. But you know what? That is completely okay.

Not every encounter needs to be meaningful, and not every discussion should result in a friendship that lasts an eternity. Small talk demonstrates your own approachability and willingness to engage, which lays the foundation for something genuine. You’ll be more at ease and find it simpler to go into deeper conversations the more you practice, like any other skill.

But you certainly won’t get to the enjoyable part of a meaningful talk until you’ve learned to embrace the suck.

In professional settings, small talk is expected, and it’s no secret that people only tolerate it because it serves as a bridge to identifying those they genuinely want to engage with. Reliance on these interactions shows they have value, but leveraging them to your benefit is something everyone ought to put stock in by practicing repeatedly. As I’ve said before, experience has proven this time and again.

Accept it, move past the discomfort and take advantage of it to get to the important things. Otherwise, you’ll just be that person in the corner wondering why nobody is discussing anything other than the weather with you. And believe me when I say that’s a much more uncomfortable place to be.