Editor’s note: The following is a work of satire. It should not be taken seriously or applied literally.

With the end of the 2024–25 school year on the horizon, many of us are preparing to return to our folks for summer break. It can be hard to readjust to having your family members breathing down your neck again, but fear not – you’ve just stumbled across a list of tips for making your temporary move home more tolerable.

It’s important to remember that your family has gotten used to absence over the school year, so this list was compiled with their interests in mind to make the transition as seamless as possible for everyone.

For starters, you want to let your family know how much you’ve missed them, especially when it comes to their acts of service. You can let your laundry pile up, leave used tableware out and hoard empty food wrappers in your room as a way of showing your family members how much you appreciate their willingness to clean up after you.

Being away at college means you’ve likely missed out on regular home-cooked meals, so show your family that you value their efforts to feed you by consuming everything in the fridge and pantry any chance you get. It’s a good sign if your family is going on weekly Costco runs to keep up with your eating habits.

You should also demonstrate your initiative in feeding yourself by preparing your own meals, but feel free to leave the cleanup to your family.

Every college student picks up new habits when living on campus, but your family is aware of that and won’t complain about these changes. Some examples include staying up well past the witching hour, sleeping until noon, leaving your clothes unfolded and keeping a minimum of three half-empty water bottles on your nightstand at all times.

Now that you get a break from communal showers and sinks, enjoy the luxury of private bathrooms by spending as much time as you please. Your family won’t be bothered if they have to wait their turn or if the hot water runs out; they’ll just be happy you’re home.

Your family might think they have the right to dictate your actions now that you’re back home, but remember that you didn’t leave your independence behind on campus. If they start intruding on your privacy or try to establish a curfew, simply remind them that you’re a self-sufficient adult who is only returning home for a temporary stay.

College is an investment in your professional future, but it’s also an investment in your social life. You can exemplify your dedication to your social wellbeing by having friends over at any time of the day, blasting music like you’re at a function and upholding your sacred duty to “party hardy.”

Since your high school friends are likely home for the summer as well, you should throw a rager at your house to show your family how much you truly enjoy the college lifestyle.

Lastly, it would behoove you to practice saving your own money by asking your family for extra cash here and there. Everyone knows that most college students are broke, so your family members will be more than willing to help finance your personal endeavors over the summer.

Simply ask one of your family members to help you fill up your tank or pay for a snack run at the grocery store. Better yet, ask someone if you can borrow their credit card for the duration of your break.

While it might be hard to relinquish the freedom you’ve become accustomed to on campus, your family is going to be thrilled to have you home. By implementing these tips, your three-month stay will feel like a true vacation for both you and those you live with.

Soak up every second of your summer break. See y’all in the fall!