Editor’s Note: This is a work of satire. It should not be taken seriously or applied literally.
For a place to be walkable, its built environment is a crucial factor in how pedestrian-friendly it is. But due to the construction and the obstructions that come with it, I say we get rid of the sidewalks completely, making the NC State campus primarily suited for cars.
The media tells us that efficiency and productivity are two of the most important aspects of being successful. Time waste and land waste are ignored problems here. For example, the rooftops of residence halls and academic buildings are a waste of space without serving some purpose. That purpose could be parking lots.
Environmentally speaking, transportation by foot is bad for global warming too. Humans exhale carbon dioxide every few seconds, even more so if they’re walking quickly and getting their heart rate up. There are better places to walk out there, such as trails, greenways and parks. Keep it off my campus.
The idea that walkability fosters community and health is bogus. Human-scale streets? The character of a place? Social capital? Effective urban design? I don’t want to be friends with the people around me — these are my future competitors for a job. Everyone is just getting in everyone else’s way, and with street moderators and cleanly lined roads built for cars, community can be achieved in other places.
Without an effective walking experience on campus, we may as well eliminate it while we’re ahead. Big Sneaker and Big Health have been telling us for as long as we can remember that walking is healthy for us — emotionally and physically. Walking is glorified, especially while holding a few notebooks and a computer.
The enduring impact on your posture from a heavy bag is criminal, and no student should be exposed to those troubles. Either make the buildings closer or give us a way to get to class in solitude and haste.
Also, to plan the walk to class, you need to allow about fifteen extra minutes to get yourself there. This is a complete waste of time — those extra couple minutes could be crucial to your sleep cycle or could give you more time in the morning to enter a doom scroll online.
Binfy Beaniworthy, a third-year studying business administration, said she’s sick and tired of her monotonous walk to class each day.
“Waking up before class is the hardest part of my day, honestly,” Beaniworthy said. “I find it difficult to peel myself off the bed sometimes. The walk to class can be dehumanizing and boring, plus my calves hurt sometimes and that sucks.”
Having multiple transportation options on campus was once treasured, but it could be argued that it’s jumbling up what has the option to be so simple. With buses, bikes, scooters, roller skates and more, it’s too confusing. Instead of tunnels for easy crossing of the railroad tracks, there should be overpasses for a quick way to drive over.
Think about the annoyance of bikes and scooters passing under there — crowded class changes, packed tunnels and the one person who seemingly feels that they’re in more of a rush than you because they are on two wheels. If everyone took the same transportation, this could be resolved.
“I was almost hit by a scooter last week, and I’ve heard stories of a girl getting rocked by one. Like, I can’t even imagine,” Beaniworthy said.
Narrowing the transportation options to one solves the problem of losing a walking route due to a tunnel closure. The tunnels wouldn’t even have to be a thing anymore. Think about all the money our university would save if it stopped repairing destroyed sidewalks and faulty brickwork. A utopia, one might say.
