Editor’s Note: This article contains reference to eating disorders and mental illness.

I first began exploring social media at age 11 when my dad finally granted me permission to download Snapchat on my iPod. As cliche as it may sound, I never expected joining social media to have such a profound impact on my life — more specifically, my mental health.

At first, Snapchat, Instagram and Musical.ly were mediums of connectivity and socializing between me and my school friends. I am guilty of making cringy lip-syncing videos and using the Snapchat dog filter unironically, but that’s beside the point and something I would rather keep buried deep in my past.

But during middle school, I became a target for bullying because of my weight, and at that point, social media became less of a source of entertainment and more of a toxic space for me to compare myself to others.

My self image deteriorated because of all the teasing I endured but also because of the unrealistic beauty standards set by Instagram fitness models and slimming Snapchat filters. I internalized everything I saw online and became fixated on perfecting my appearance in hopes of being accepted by my peers.

COVID-19 wreaked further havoc on my mental health by causing me to spend endless hours online during quarantine investigating different diets and workout regimens. My primary focus at the time was to lose weight and my TikTok and Instagram algorithms fueled the obsession.

What was intended to be an innocent “glow-up” spiraled into a bonafide eating disorder that has taken me years of treatment to recover from.

Like many of the cheesy posters in therapists’ offices say, recovery isn’t linear. I was met with the harsh reality that the world isn’t exactly sensitive to those healing from an eating disorder. Each time I opened TikTok, I was met with a video of someone promoting the best workouts for a flat stomach or the top ten foods to avoid if you want to burn fat.

Additionally, I struggled with being able to tolerate social media posts that mislabeled disordered eating as an eating disorder. There’s a big difference.

Disordered eating is the act of engaging in unhealthy eating habits or over-exercise, usually the result of body image distress. On the other hand, eating disorders are complex, deeply-rooted mental illnesses that limit an individual’s ability to function and can have significant health consequences.

People online tend to write off their disordered eating behaviors as a legitimate eating disorder, which may seem harmless but can be very invalidating to those who are in recovery. Disordered eating is very troubling and unfortunately something that many people struggle with — especially college students — but it must be distinguished from medical eating disorders.

What allowed my recovery to take a more productive route was my decision to delete all of my social media accounts indefinitely. I realized that my daily interactions with social media were causing me more harm than good, making fostering a recovery-focused environment less feasible.

Removing social media from my phone was truly life-changing; I gained more mental clarity, began struggling less with my body-image and was able to focus more on things that matter like school and interpersonal relationships. Additionally, I spend less time feeling frustrated by misdiagnoses and the media’s romanticization of eating disorders.

I’m not saying that deleting social media made all of my problems go away for good, but it made noticeable improvements to my self-esteem. I also want to refrain from demonizing social media as I know there are many ways it can be beneficial.

For one thing, social media allows for communication in any place, at any time; I still have Facebook so that I can keep in touch with my out-of-state relatives.

I also have used Instagram since deleting my personal accounts as a marketing platform for different organizations and events I have helped facilitate. Utilizing the internet as a tool allows me to keep my recovery and my relationship with social media completely independent.

Social media added coal to the flames of my mental illness and, in many ways, slowed down the progress of my recovery. As my dad often says, to stop adding coal to a fire, you have to first get rid of the shovel and eliminate things that cause you distress at the source.

I may sound like someone’s nagging parent who is convinced that the internet is evil, but I hope that sharing my story invites you to consider what role social media plays in your life, and perhaps if it’s a role you’re better off without.

If you are struggling with an eating disorder or know someone who needs support, call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at (800) 931-2237. For a 24-hour crisis line, text “NEDA” to 741741.