Over 50 years have passed since the landmark Supreme Court case Loving v. Virginia, which formally legalized interracial marriages. Today still, I’ve seen people often do double-takes when they spot an interracial couple, as if it’s not something that should be normalized.

Per Pew Research Center’s public opinion poll on intermarriage, interracial relationships are becoming more common and acceptable. However, it doesn’t mean the ignorance surrounding them has dissipated.

In the wake of the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, fears of gay and interracial marriage being overturned have run rampant, especially among experts. While this may seem like a far-fetched conclusion, it’s a real possibility that we must consider going forward. Sure, it may not happen in our lifetime, but with the direction our country is headed, it’s not an impossible destination.

This is still worrisome for me because all of my past partners have been of a different race than myself. My current partner is also of a different race, and I expect to face the strange looks, weird assumptions and intrusive inquiries that people have presented me with in the past. 

For example, a lady at church once told me and my half-white, half-Native American boyfriend that we would make beautiful children. That’s an inappropriate thing to say to anyone, but it’s especially inappropriate to say to an interracial couple because it falls into the trap of fetishization.

As a person of mixed-race myself, I’m well aware of the fetishization multiracial people experience. The children of an interracial couple may be viewed as exotic. Racial ambiguity intrigues people, oftentimes leading to the “What are you?” question — my personal favorite.

Better yet, children of interracial couples may not even be viewed as legitimate. Growing up, there were several times my mom was asked, “Is she yours?” by a random stranger. I also remember my mom introducing me to her co-workers as her daughter and seeing their faces shift in confusion. My mom is white, and while I have her eyes, the fact that we don’t have the same skin tone makes it nearly impossible for people to comprehend that we’re related.

Other questions interracial couples are bombarded with include “How will you raise your kids?” and “How do your parents feel about your relationship?” When I’ve heard these questions, there’s always a hint of skepticism behind their tone. Besides the fact that the answers are no one’s business, there are a number of things wrong with such questions, the most prominent being that they are founded on the misconception that people of different races are inherently different to their core.

Certainly an interracial couple will need to have conversations with their children that monoracial couples don’t, but this does not signal an inherent difference between them.

The parents of those in interracial relationships sometimes fall into this trap as well. For example, a girl in one of my sociology classes this semester shared what it was like to tell her dad about her new boyfriend. She’s white while her boyfriend is Black, and her father admitted some concerns he had about their different “backgrounds.” Of course a white woman and a Black man come from very different perspectives, and of course it’s something they’ll have to discuss on their own, but it’s not a precursor to a failed relationship.

While most relatives won’t be blatantly racist toward their child’s partner, comments with ill intentions find their way into the conversation. For me, my ex-boyfriend’s uncle constantly made passive-aggressive comments that made me uncomfortable at the dinner table. Microaggressions toward interracial couples are common but easy to miss if you’re not on the receiving end of them.

In order to avoid going down this path, we must reevaluate our unconscious views toward mixed-race couples. However, it’s hard to address these biases if you’re unaware that you possess them. Taking the Implicit Bias Test won’t reveal all of your subconscious prejudices, but it’s a good place to begin.

In general, though, a good rule of thumb is to simply mind your own business.