Fatherhood and masculinity in general have undergone massive changes amid a national reckoning with the effects of our present patriarchal society. These cultural shifts have reshaped and redefined what it means to be a man for the better, and good fathers are partially to thank for that.

Fatherly guidance is invaluable to the development of good, moral people, but what is fatherhood? I would like to extend the term beyond just the traditional head-of-household depictions of the past. For many, staying within this narrow view deprives them of their experiences with true father-figure relationships that exist outside the nuclear family.

Fathers and their influence come from all places and, I would posit, are not simply constrained by family structures or genders. I believe a father is a person of authority and experience who takes on the responsibility of providing a safe space to pass on their knowledge of the world around them to their youthful proteges.

For some, the role of a father figure is found in the same person that serves as their mother. For others, it can be found in a sports coach, a youth group leader or an insightful and engaging teacher.

Whoever one’s source of fatherly guidance is, the value of good fatherhood cannot be understated. The quality of a father could be the difference in whether someone develops healthy relationships with their peers or becomes isolated, aggressive and dissonant with society.

Fathers provide the security their children need to feel safe in their environment. A good father provides a safe space in which a child can be nurtured and developed into an outstanding person.

This can come in many forms. For some, a father’s financial security provides the proper space for the child to be cared for. For others, it is the assuredness on display that others pick up on that lets them feel comfortable. The fatherly security blanket is vital to giving children the space to find their identity, discover the world around them in a positive way and understand the value stability provides in one’s life.

Additionally, fathers teach their children so many important lessons, and I don’t mean just minor tropes like how to change a tire or take care of a lawn. Fathers play an important role in the socialization process of children, providing them with crucial social and emotional skills.

In my own personal life, regulating my emotions was a core lesson I’ve learned from the father figures who surrounded me when I was growing up. An important distinction from suppressing them — which I still struggle with from time to time — my father’s stoic nature provided a template for how to face adversity head-on.

My family had struggles from time to time — loss of family members, occasionally strained relationships with relatives and family friends and stints of financial instability wholly out of our control to name just a few. But throughout all of this, my father remained calm and self-assured. There was no problem he couldn’t solve, which leads me to my next lesson.

My father taught me it is okay to ask for help if you need it. As a result of pervasive toxic masculinity that has plagued modern society for centuries, men can be led to believe it is weak to ask for help.

On the contrary, help, whether you’re on the giving or receiving end, is central to what it means to be a good person. It is okay to recognize some actions require extra support. Society is built on the idea that we can cooperate with one another to be greater as a whole; why should we reject help based on arbitrary personal pride and displays of outward strength?

I look up to my father, as well as the other father figures in my life I’ve encountered in my time playing sports, participating in Boy Scouts and in my educational ventures. I’ve learned how to take responsibility, genuinely respect others, think independently and thoughtfully and intentionally engage with others to develop lasting relationships that will carry me forward for the rest of my life. I hope to someday pass these lessons on to future generations. 

To fathers of all kinds, thank you for everything you do for us and happy Father’s Day.