Recently, after getting upset about men sexually harassing me while I picked up pizza at my local Domino’s, my parents informed me that, “I should just wear more clothes.”
This event showed me how ingrained and unassuming this brand of victim blaming has become. It is culturally normal for women to feel like they need to arm themselves with layers of clothes to hide any hints of sexuality, while men don’t even receive a slap on the wrist for their inappropriate treatment of women.
“You’re overreacting,” they say. This is the simple and infuriating one-line response I often receive from friends or family when I voice a heated or disgruntled response regarding my various encounters with sexual harassment or discrimination against women. These incidents include being called names such as “sugar” or “sweetheart” by male store attendants, having sexual propositions shouted at me by passerby in cars, being touched or looked at in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable or even ripped off while purchasing something because I was perceived as not knowing any better. I’ve been told more times than I can count that this type of attention should make me feel flattered.
Walking into a gas station, a hardware store or a pizza place and feeling uncomfortable because of the way you are looked at or treated is not an experience reserved for women, but also for people of color or individuals who express their “non-standard” religion or sexuality outwardly.
The idea that women are “overreacting” to being treated differently than men is, in my experience, commonly accepted, and it is infuriating that people generally trivialize the severity of this injustice. We expect women to brush off these remarks, be the “cool girl” and learn to behave within the constraints of our male-oriented culture. We identify women who express contempt or concern as making themselves victims. This transfer of blame exists for most groups that suffer some sort of social injustice and allows groups of power and prestige to feel comfortable doing the things that disadvantage others but convenience themselves. This victim blaming thus lessens the plight of historically disadvantaged social groups so that the groups of historical power don’t have to feel guilty about not changing their behaviors.
Throughout history, the victors have used this victim-blaming mentality to rationalize almost every atrocity committed throughout history. For example, stealing entire continents from its inhabitants was justified by maintaining that it was not truly a crime because the people from whom they were displacing or enslaving were “savages.” The founders of our own country used similar rationale to justify the enslavement of African Americans. Even today, society frequently categorizes things like class and criminality as hereditary and poverty as the fault of the poor. Female sexual assault victims are often punished more than the men who rape them, and suicide rates are especially high in sexual assault victims. In places like Syria, we witness the murder of rape victims in honor killings.
This is why sexual harassment, even in a well-lit room in the middle of the day and in a crowd of people, is still alarming to a lot of women. Just because an encounter may seem completely harmless and doesn’t physically endanger a woman at the time, the idea that a woman’s body can be so nonchalantly objectified, sexualized and even possessed in the simplest everyday encounters is, in itself, terrifying.
Sexual harassment is alarmingly normal and so commonplace that we overlook it more often than not. It is a constant intrusion on many people’s most private piece of themselves, their sexuality, and this is not only extremely rude, but also a subtle (or not so subtle) reminder of the subjugation and powerlessness women historically and presently encounter with their own bodies. At college parties, many women feel compelled to tell unwanted suitors that “they have a boyfriend” — this male ownership is often respected in a way that a simple “no” is not.
Even more than the feeling of being constantly violated, women are often treated as if their sexuality is the single-most important facet of their being. I’ve personally discovered that you are automatically not worth someone’s company is you are not being compliant to sexual advances. If you speak up and tell someone that they make you uncomfortable, you run the risk of being perceived as a “b—-” or “stuck-up.” A lot of times it’s hard for people to accept when you transfer the discomfort they make you feel back to them.
Any time a woman is sexually harassed, she is a victim. Standing up to the subtle manifestations of this misogynistic cultural normalcy of sexual harassment is not overreacting in any way. It is incredibly brave. Standing up to everyday sexual harassment in my experience really goes against acceptable mainstream social behavior for women. Often voicing dissatisfaction from unwanted sexual attention marks a woman as crazy, shrill, dramatic and a “b—-.” Society’s unrelenting distaste and refusal to accept women who stand up for themselves and others, particularly in matters of social justice, is what needs to change.
