The toughest thing in Khadijah Whittington’s life have nothing to do with basketball. For almost four years, her father has been battling Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, a chronic, progressive and fatal disease marked by degeneration of the central nervous system. He can’t talk or move and does much of his communication through blinking. Whittington admits it’s been difficult to come to grips with at times.
“It’s been tough. Sometimes I feel like giving up. But my cousin Darryl, he’s there for me a lot. When I feel like giving up, he’s like, ‘Your dad wouldn’t want you to give up,'” Whittington said. “And I know he wouldn’t.”
Her cousin, Darryl Moore, had just moved from Colorado to Virginia, near Whittington’s home of Roanoke, when her father first got sick about four years ago. With her father no longer able to live at home, she started living with Moore.
“I kind of stepped in there — for her dad because her and her dad had a real close relationship,” Moore said. “And as he got sicker and sicker, he was going into the hospital, I would be the person taking Khadijah to her basketball games and taking her to get her SATs and just kind of work with her.”
Moore went with Whittington on all her recruiting trips, watched movies with her and just spent time with her as they grew closer together. Moore, 43 years old with three daughters of his own, said he now considers Whittington to be part of his immediate family.
“Our relationship began to grow, and now she calls me ‘Pops,'” Moore said. “And I look at her as being one of my four daughters that I have.”
He said the timing of his move to Virginia and subsequently being there for Whittington in her tough times worked out perfectly. “It was really God who kind of really orchestrated the whole thing because I came in at a time where she really needed somebody to step into that father-figure role,” Moore said.
Coach Kay Yow said Whittington should be an encouragement to her father when she goes home to see him not just because of what the junior forward is doing on the court, but also because of her work in the classroom.
“It also has to give him a great lift that she’s getting a college education. She’s on track to receive a degree. She’s becoming a better basketball player. She may very well have the option of professional ball,” Yow said. “So, there’s so many things that I think that [are] inside that he can’t say it or communicate it in a way that you would like, [but] I know he has to be really proud.”
Yow’s father is also struggling through health problems, going through dementia, a progressive decline in cognitive function. With both their fathers fighting illnesses, Yow said she and Whittington have talked about the toughness of seeing a loved one suffer.
“We can identify with our fathers. You want to help more. You’re just limited to how you can really help,” Yow said. “But you still care so much about them, and so just keeping them in your prayers and your thoughts and visiting when you can is the main things that you can do.”
And even some days in the past when it has appeared Whittington’s father has taken a turn for the worst, Yow has allowed her player to go home for a day and focus on what’s more important to her — her father’s well-being.
“I just can see at moments that this is a great need. And it’s a burden at that time,” Yow said. “She needs to go and see him for herself, not what other people are saying, but see him and know exactly where he is and how he’s doing.”
Through sharing with each other about their fathers’ health problems, Yow said she and Whittington have reflected on some important lessons of life.
“We just talk about handling adversity, and one has to have the ability to deal with obstacles and adversity in life if you’re going to keep moving and hopefully be someone who contributes in a positive way in society,” Yow said. “I mean, you can’t stop living. You can’t stop going.”
At the same time Whittington is concerned with how her father is doing, she still has two years left of college basketball under Yow at N.C. State. Coming off a sophomore season in which she scored 10 points per game and pulled down eight rebounds per contest, Whittington said her goals for this season are simple.
“I just expect me to be the player that I’m supposed to be. [I’m] not trying to be too much or I’m not trying to be too back,” Whittington said. “I’m just trying to be whatever the team needs me to be.”
Part of what has shaped her into who she is as a player is the fact she has tried out for the U.S national team the last two summers. She didn’t make the cut after her freshman year and then suffered an injury on the eve of final tryouts this past summer, leaving her off the team again.
But she said the things she learned at the tryouts have stuck with her even as she has prepared for this season.
“If you want to pursue something, you go after it. So I feel that I find myself trying harder. Even when I first got here, I didn’t want to lift weights. But now you can’t stop me from lifting weights. And I shoot extra now,” Whittington said. “It’s just a lot that’s changed with me.”
And one of the areas she’s working on is staying out of foul trouble, after she was whistled for 97 personal fouls last season and found herself sitting on the bench at crucial junctures in some games because of fouls.
“You can practice not fouling. You can be as aggressive as you can, but I just need to control my body,” Whittington said. “And that’s what I’ve been working on in practice.”
Yow added the junior forward needs to also get better at playing even when she is in foul trouble. “She’s got to be a smarter player on the court. She’s going to have to learn how to play with two fouls, three fouls,” Yow said. “You know, that’s going to be very important.”
With freshman center Chanita Jordan and senior center Gillian Goring out with injuries, Yow said it magnifies the importance of keeping Whittington on the floor. She even called Whittington “our best player,” saying playing without her is not a preferable option.
“When she gets in foul trouble, we’re in trouble,” Yow said.
Meanwhile, Goring said Whittington serves as a motivator for her teammates.
“I give her the nickname ‘Beast,’ the beast because she just do[es] everything with all her might even though she be hurting, she always play[s] hard,” Goring said.
And Moore said he thinks all she does on the court comes back to where her heart is — with her dad. “A lot of the things that she’s doing is really related to her dad and wanting to please him and just do very well for him,” Moore said. “And that’s what’s really impressed me about her and her drive for success.”