Don’t you absolutely hate the point in horror movies where someone walks into the dark room alone? Or the part where the survivors in a zombie movie fail to kill their friends and loved ones who have been recently turned into the undead?

Well, this is the part where I am loudly booing the movie of life, because like the horrific undead, the idea of having a live mascot to rally students is rising like the protagonist’s zombie loved one. And just like the protagonist who refuses to take down the reanimated corpse of said loved one, the student body is for some reason supporting this idea.

I have a much better idea for how to improve student morale at athletics events: let’s have winning, competitive sports teams. THAT will improve support for athletics. No questions asked.

Let’s consider the problems with having a live mascot. For starters, we probably have to buy one. As indicated in the legislation, we can’t exactly just go out and catch a wild wolf. Instead, per bill R 59, the Senate “suggests the purchase of a Tamaskan Dog to be Lobo IV in order to promote safety as the Tamaskans are domesticated animals and one of the most wolf-like dogs without any wolf ancestry.” I have no quarrel with the argument for an actual wolf, and if I thought it would be beneficial I would gladly support purchasing a very wolf-like dog in lieu of a real wolf (and all the bureaucratic nonsense that would accompany its purchase). But we do have to spend money on it.

We also have to take care of the proposed Lobo IV live mascot. And yes, while we do have an outstanding veterinary school, nothing is free. We have to feed the dog, make sure it has its shots and make an effort to train it, lest it bite a student and cause some sort of public relations nightmare. The bottom line is simple common sense: nothing in life worth having is free.

But again, is a live mascot worth having? Will it still improve morale if we keep losing to Duke in football, or only keep in close competition (for last place) with UNC-Chapel Hill when the Tarholes have a lousy season? Can a live wolf-like dog mascot erase the bitter taste of losing seasons, failures to reach the NCAA tournament or the lack of prime-time bowl bids?

For me, I answer with an emphatic “no” to both questions. If we truly wish to improve morale, then we need to establish a bottom-up culture of winning and competitiveness at the University. We as fans want to consistently expect winning seasons, bowl bids and championship spots. Our players, current and future, need to approach every game knowing that we have a legitimate shot at it. And this attitude must flow up to the highest levels of athletics, with administrators willing to recruit players, hire and fire coaches and make the necessary moves to get our athletics programs to the best, most competitive levels in the nation.

That will improve morale. If fans are willing and players and coaches keep working hard towards building winning programs, then we are on the right path. If the higher-ups in the administration cannot come to terms with such a grassroots approach to building fan morale; they must be replaced.

Perhaps then we can boast of our wolf-dog’s ability to rip other teams’ mascots to shreds after our team annihilates our opposition on the field or court. That’d be awesome for morale, no?