Take my chancellor … please!

James “JLO” Oblinger ransacked the school’s morality. How? He hired Mary “The Difficulty” Easley.

I’ve got this to say for the new chancellor-elect William “Randy” Woodson: “It was Purdue or don’t.” Or “Purdue or Die.” Or Something. Pundits are saying that the chancellor selection committee chose him because of the Purdue engineering and agriculture programs; let’s hope he can engineer a better school here.

Meanwhile, no one knows anything about this guy. Apparently he’s a pro at vosting, but I don’t think that’s anything to boast about. He was provost before becoming chancellor here — which just means he’s gone from one vacuous position where no one knows what he does to yet another mysterious position.

Figuratively, he’s a figurehead, so far as I can figure. But they’ve pulled a figure eight by swinging around and getting another six-figure, five-finger discount to this webbed-fingered hobnobbing hobgoblin. My hemoglobin curdles.

Meanwhile, the jury has come back on Woodward. And you thought we were out of the Woods for now. But people come from out of the woodwork to say that we would work harder with a better chancellor than “wayward Woodward.”

Don’t think this columnist has forgotten the way the other “Wood” corrupted the fee process. He coerced the craven Student Government into going against a popular student vote. Everybody was angry at the way they “Ceresn”-acted.

At least provost is a position similar to chancellor. But still, these people make more money than Billy Mays did. Hey, I’ve got an amazing “cleaning” solution: next time, get rid of them sooner.

Under JLO, scandal seemed to chase us like a giant cone monster on Hillsborough Street.

The past two chancellors make the new Tally Student Center look like a bundle of joy. Things are low … like Sidney Lowe.

I hope everyone has had a great December break and is ready to get back to work. I wish the new chancellor the best of luck. I want everyone to do the best they can. I want all of the professors to leave nothing to fine print and students to ask questions about what will be expected from them. I want everyone to get their books as soon as possible — I haven’t gotten mine yet, either. Get your work early before it gets you late.

We may have taken a hit with two seconds in a game a week back, but there’s no overtime to lose in our school. We have to put our trust behind our currently enigmatic, upcoming chancellor. No doubt, he can make a difference.

We should not find ourselves surprised when we discover the reason the provost crossed the road to take a chance for our University as a chancellor — it was to make it better. Regardless of (ob)lingering skepticism, I fully support the new chancellor. I wish him the best in this new year. We may find we have a reason to put 2010 in the top successes of this University.

Like it or not, we have a job to do here — the chancellor’s job is cloudy, but I wish him the best.