Disclaimer: The Ivory Belltower is purely satirical, don’t take it too seriously.
After forgetting to charge his phone on Tuesday, Bradley Gertrich, a junior studying sociology, had a revelation on campus.
“It was the strangest thing; I got to see NC State’s campus in a way that I had never experienced before,” Gertrich said. “There were people walking their pet polar bears through the Brickyard, and students wearing ridiculous clown shorts hidden by oversized shirts.”
Each day, a majority of students miss out on the full experience of campus culture. Many students have failed to notice the pancakes flying from the Belltower to Fountain Dining Hall every morning. Pedestrians too busy on their phones cause frequent accidents for the camel riding transportation systems. And barely anybody noticed that the singing lamp statue located in front of Reynolds Coliseum has been replaced by a pile of Legos. However, these campus standards are only noticeable when students put away their phones.
The Department of Electrical Engineering conducted a study to better understand this phenomenon. They concluded that the electronic particles emitted from phones charge the surrounding air with ions and cloud phone users’ vision. Effects of cell phone distraction are powerful enough to occur without direct interaction.
By simply carrying your phone on you, the study concluded that students were 88 percent more oblivious of their surroundings. Identifying this as a serious problem, Cell Phone Reliance (CPR) affects nearly 97 percent of students and faculty at some point during their day. To counteract CPR, the study recommended that students spend more time outdoors.
“During my rehab from CPR I saw sidewalks and squirrels and the Keebler elves protest against underpaid labor of making cookies in a tree,” said Samantha Underwoods, a senior studying environmental science.
Students minimizing phone dependency have experienced rather bizarre exchanges. Conversations that extend past the text abbreviation lingo of ROTFC (rolling on the floor crying) or GD&WVF (grinning, ducking and walking very fast) that are usually reserved for English papers have taken place out loud. Dancing in a red dress has become a fashionable way to substitute the usage of the dancing lady emoji. Some have taken this further, engaging in deep conversational topics such as the Mariana Trench located along the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Students have also adopted new ways to greet their friends. Popular methods include yodeling, trumpet imitations and barking.
Unsure of what to do with their hands, some students carry around bananas for the same physical stimulation phones provide. A difficult social norm students without cell phones have struggled with includes figuring out how to interact with each other.
“Usually when I hang out with my group of friends, we sit in a circle on our phones,” said Carrie Higgins, a freshman studying communication.
Despite the challenges to lead a life with less cell phone dependency, there are many benefits. It allows students to better absorb information presented in class, stronger peer connections and a greater awareness of chrome rainbow monkeys. NC State hopes monitoring CPR will lead to a greater attendance to the upcoming live Monopoly sporting game this Thursday.
