If you are asking the Internet whether or not you are in love, you probably aren’t. A lifelong commitment, or even a passing fling, should not be subject to arbitrary checklists on the Internet.
It seems as though I can’t scroll down my Facebook newsfeed without encountering links to lists such as “Am I in love or not? 10 signs that he’s the one,” or “18 signs he isn’t the man you should marry.”
Unfortunately, I’m sure some girls (and guys) read those lists and then question their own relationships. You can’t possibly consolidate love into 10 signs. It comes in all different emotional shapes and sizes. As much as I hate myself for saying this, love is like a snowflake; no two loves are the same.
Only the people involved in the loving relationship should decide what exactly love is. It’s not right to taint love with some checklist written by some person you’ve never met, and who — more importantly — has never met you.
These checklists validate bad relationships and tear apart good ones. Some are vague enough that anybody in the whole world could fit the description. Some are so specific that not even Prince Charming could make the cut.
These kinds of lists get especially dangerous when the relationship is abusive and manipulative. For example, an abusive man could easily fit Cosmopolitan’s “18 signs you’re with the man you should marry.” He could “always brag about you” or “mean it when he says ‘I miss you,’” but he could also come home and be verbally or physically abusive. If a woman is being manipulated, she can easily look at this list and say, “Hey look, my relationship is fine; he fits all the requirements, so he must be the right one.”
That’s the problem. These lists make it so people are saying the he must be the right one. If he is the right one, you should know. These lists are making women (and men) everywhere settle for someone who they do not truly and unconditionally love, but yet they convince themselves they do because the Internet says so.
The most ridiculous advice award goes to a website called realbuzz.com, whose list starts with this gem of a self-confirming introduction: “If you’re looking for Prince Charming, but you’re not sure if the guy you’re dating is the one who’s going to sweep you off your feet and give you the happily ever after you desire, then you need to check out these 10 signs to prove he’s not the one.”
First problem: Prince Charming does not exist. Second problem: Happily ever after is not real.
They may exist in a person’s own special way, but let’s be real. Nothing will ever be like a Disney movie. In the words of Disney’s own Ursula, it’s “sad, but true.”
The first indicator on the list that he’s not the one is if he buys you a goldfish. If a man gets a woman a goldfish, that is completely fine. If he thought about it long and hard, but the woman did not like it, then that is the woman’s problem. We can’t read each other’s minds. Besides, what in the world do goldfish have to do with relationships?
As one can see, these lists should not dictate people’s relationships. But the sad truth is that they do, either consciously or subconsciously. Let’s leave people’s use of the Internet to obsessing about what WebMD says their symptoms mean and leave the love lists out of it.
