Disclaimer: The Ivory Belltower is purely satirical. Don’t take it too seriously.
Students recently unveiled their intentions of dropping out of NC State come Nov. 10 with the release of Fallout 4, the long-awaited, post-apocalyptic role-playing video game developed by Bethesda. With seven years since the release of the game’s predecessor, Fallout 3, the new Fallout 4 is a huge boost for the franchise featuring more appealing gameplay such as base-building, dynamic dialogue and a complete overhaul of the crafting system.
James Ellison, a now-former student who studied biology, led the chain of drop-outs and had this to say, “I’ve been waiting for Fallout 4 since it was announced at E3 earlier this year. The shocking news immediately had me jumping into my car and driving to preorder the game. I even shelled out the extra hundred dollars to buy the limited ‘Pip-Boy’ edition.”
“There just wouldn’t be any time for school work. Fallout 4 comes first,” said Cain Anderson, who formerly studied mechanical engineering. “I’ve prepared all of my Sunkist, Fritos and adult diapers. Once I slip into a Playstation coma, nothing will break me out.”
Catherine Leyi, president of College Students Against Gaming (CSAG), spoke out in opposition of this movement.
“I don’t understand why all this commotion is occurring just for a video game? It’s an epidemic that is taking away opportunities from these students all across the nation,” Leyi said. “On a related note, it’s a bad influence on the youth. How are we supposed to build a better future with more and more kids wanting to join the military and shoot each other down because of the ‘Call of Duty’ or the ‘Battlefront’? War will happen. War … war never changes.”
Sources later confirmed that she was recently spotted walking out of GameStop with a pre-order ticket. Leyi has refused to comment since.
Without a doubt, this is the worst chain of college dropouts in history, far surpassing the amount of dropouts due to the release of Skyrim, the fifth installment of the Elder Scrolls series in 2011. Thousands of students every day are opting out of their college savings to stock up on Nuka-Cola and Vault-Tech gear.
