Part of keeping up with an increasingly socially aware society means constantly checking ourselves. Lest we wreck ourselves, we must ensure our actions and words correspond with our purported beliefs.

As anyone whose beliefs align with such ideologies as anti-racism, any strain of feminism or the other varied forms of social justice can attest, this is not always easy.

It’s not uncommon for progressive whites to identify as allies for any given social cause and call it a day without taking into account how their actions might contradict the very causes they claim to support.

For instance, having gay friends doesn’t give anyone free reign to out a closeted bisexual person. And no, having non-white friends does not permit us to use racial slurs.

Sometimes, we (especially those of us in privileged social locations) don’t quite realize how our everyday behaviors fit into a larger scheme of inequality. One handy reference to better understand this, however, is Peggy McIntosh’s “White privilege: Unpacking the invisible knapsack.”

For some reason, many of us seem to feel as though identifying as a feminist or as pro-human rights is more important than enacting those beliefs. My identifying as pro-feminism doesn’t make my calling an inattentive waitress the c-word any less sexist.

As a general rule, it’s best to avoid any action or attitude that, to be socially acceptable, would warrant having to say, “It’s okay; I’m actually a feminist.” In other words, ironic bigotry — at this point in history — is still bigotry.

When I say “ironic,” it might be important to specify that I mean situational rather than verbal.

The same goes for those who make fun of other bigots or otherwise problematic people by accusing them of being part of an oppressed group.

Rick Santorum, homophobic 2012 presidential candidate, surprised many after a photo of his phone displayed Grindr, a well-known gay dating site, as one of his apps. Despite his claims that he thought the app was meant for coffee, people still made fun of him for being allegedly gay (or bisexual).

Therein lies the problem: People made fun of him for being gay. The ironic context of his homophobia is, at that point, irrelevant. By mocking Santorum for hiding his sexuality, we sent the message that it is not okay to be anything but straight, especially to Republicans.

Another version of this might manifest itself with people who support reproductive rights harassing pro-lifers by calling their personal phones and visiting them at home. Such was the case with Voice for Choice, who posted a retaliatory “bully list” of known pro-life advocates. Though they have since removed the list, this action cannot be excused simply because Voice for Choice’s intentions seemed to work against their oppressors.

Fighting threats with threats does nothing to promote anyone’s cause. It’s only working counter-productively to give the opposition a reason not to respect that cause.

It takes a lot of work to better oneself, especially when it comes to the self in relation to society. Slurs and oppressive attitudes have been ingrained into us, especially those of us in privileged social locations, from a young age.

It is not enough to redirect these slurs and attitudes to embarrass oppressors. We must learn to cease acting on them entirely.

If we can’t learn to do that, we risk being hypocrites in the eyes of the bigoted and demonstrating that oppressive behaviors are just fine argumentative tools to use against whomever we dislike.

Slurs and oppressive behaviors are not secret weapons to be used to fight fire with fire, and we must reflect that with our own behavior.