In Parts One and Two, our narrator found an ancient senior at a party who began to tell him a tale of how, long ago, he and his friends came upon a strange bum who would offer each of them a wish.

In Parts Three and Four, we find out the bum is offering the senior and his friends the opportunity to have whatever they desire in terms of their entire lives. One guy picks power, another picks a big family, another picks wealth, but all find themselves ultimately dissatisfied with their lives. The senior told the bum he would rather just party for the rest of his life, so the bum has gifted yet cursed him to travel wherever he goes and warn others of his coming. As we rejoin our narrator, the ancient senior has just disappeared and the young man is about to play another game of beer pong …

Part Five

“What’ve you been doing, dude?” my buddy asked when I came downstairs.

“I’ll tell you when I’m in the mood,” I replied with an unintentionally chilly stare.

“Whatever man, it’s our turn to play, so I hope you’ve brought your top-notch A-game.

I don’t want to get skunked again, let’s win this beast before we go and divest our shame.”

Won we did, and handily at that, but we had to leave immediately after the bout.

My friend’s girl was driving us back (but not before we had our Cook Out).

I paid for my tray and stood aside so my bud could do the same, when out of the bushes, a sad voice moaned, “Man, could you spare some change?”

I handed the bum two quarters and a dime, leftover from my purchase in cash.

“Thanks, young man,” the voice grew stronger, “but I bet you know what I’m about to ask.”

Suddenly, it was as if the ancient senior’s tale had gone through some kind of evolution; it had crawled from Lake Johnson, grew arms and legs, and was now in real execution.

“I suppose,” I said, “your boy did his job well, he warned me of the danger you bring – a gift that if poorly considered or selfishly answered will result only in my suffering.”

“What’s going on?” my buddy then asked, coming from the window with our trays. “Mmm,” the bum said, “I could go for a fry, and is that there a cup of mayonnaise?”

The bum deftly ganked a bite, smiling slyly as he filled in my boy on his gift, “So whatever I want from life, I get?” he recapped. “Ha, my girl is gonna be miffed.”

“Wait, man,” I cried. “It’s not that simple. I don’t think you should answer just yet.”

I quickly told my friend of the ancient senior’s tale, and the peril of taking the bum’s bet.

My rash buddy, not impressed by my story, began to regard the asphalt with fury, “Of course those dudes got what they deserved. Their narrow thoughts were filled with worry.

But I know the answer to your riddle, old bum: rather than one thing, I’ll take it all.

Everything that any man ever wanted, to ask for such I already have the gall.”

“Very good monsieur,” the bum said with a wink. “Might I also interest you in a wafah-thin mint?”

Part Six

Now I can’t tell you exactly what will befall that boisterous dude, but like Mr. Creosote, by and by he’ll explode into goo.

One thing I can tell you, after hearing the ancient senior’s bereavement, is that I was determined to not cast away happiness for life achievement.

The whole downfall of this approach to existence, to nail down each day and the next, cheapens the thrill of waking freshly each morn and striving to do one’s best.

If you know ahead of time that you’ll always succeed, then you must ever be tossing life’s proverbial mead.

“I’ll take none of your gifts foul tempter,” I cried, recalling the old senior’s haunting. “I know now full well that whatever I choose will leave me with naught but wanting.

Of course there are things that I desire in this world: to be great, to have love and to grow happy and old.

I’ll strive for these things without your help, though, you bum, because in the journey to get where you’re going lies all fun.

And in the meanwhile I’ll not be so concerned with my fight as to forget the suffering of a fellow man’s plight.

What good will I be, what point has my vocation, if my whole life becomes naught but a mean vacation.”

“Very well!” the suddenly indignant bum didst boom. “I’ll go elsewhere: my offer will be welcomed as a boon.

You’ve given up the greatest thing a man could ever want!”

And with that, the bum went off to some faraway haunt.

“Man you’re dumb,” my greedy friend interrupted my critical thinking,

“The least you could’ve asked for were a couple of hot chicks this evening.

“Ah, who cares,” I replied. “This has all been too heady for me. Let’s get back home, have one more brew and play some Wii.”

You can read the whole thing at www.technicianonline.com, or you could just e-mail Ken and tell him he’s no Coleridge at viewpoint@technicianonline.com.